Almost every parent who contacts us says a version of the same thing: I probably should have called months ago.
They waited because the signs were ambiguous. Children are supposed to have big feelings. Children are supposed to go through phases. Nobody wants to pathologise an eight-year-old for being eight. So the sensible, loving thing to do is wait and see — and that is exactly what most people do, for considerably longer than is useful.
Here is what actually distinguishes a phase from something worth getting help with.
The Two Questions That Matter Most
Has it lasted? Most children have hard fortnights. A pattern that has persisted for six to eight weeks or more, without improving, is a different thing.
Is it interfering? Is it affecting school, friendships, sleep, eating, or family life? A worry that stays in the worry’s own lane is different from one that has started closing off a child’s world.
If the answer to both is yes, waiting longer is unlikely to help.
Signs in Younger Children
- Regression. Toileting, sleep, speech or clinginess going backwards after having been established. One of the clearest signals in young children.
- Sleep disruption that has become the norm — nightmares, night waking, refusing to sleep alone after previously managing.
- Explosive, frequent, or very prolonged meltdowns, particularly if they are new or have intensified.
- Physical complaints with no medical cause — recurring stomach aches and headaches, especially on school mornings.
- Repetitive play about a specific theme — crashes, fighting, someone getting hurt, someone leaving — that does not resolve.
- Separation distress well beyond what is typical for their age.
- A child who has become unnaturally good. This one gets missed constantly. Children who monitor adult moods and never make a demand are often not fine; they are managing.
Signs in Older Children and Teenagers
- Withdrawal from friends and from activities they used to care about
- A marked drop in school engagement or performance
- Persistent irritability or anger — in adolescents, low mood very often presents as anger rather than sadness
- Sleep and appetite changes
- Harsh, absolute self-criticism — “I ruin everything”, “everyone would be better off”
- Risk-taking that is out of character
- Any self-harm, or any talk of not wanting to be here — always act on this immediately
Trust the comparison you are actually making. The useful question is not whether your child is like other children. It is whether your child is like themselves. A parent noticing that their own child has changed is the single most reliable indicator we see.
When to Act Without Waiting
Some situations warrant support regardless of how the child presents:
- Exposure to family violence, whether or not the child was directly involved
- Abuse, neglect, or a frightening event such as an accident, assault or disaster
- Death of a parent, sibling or other central person
- Entry into kinship or foster care, or a significant change in care arrangements
- A parent with serious illness or significant mental ill health
- Refugee, displacement or traumatic migration experiences
In these situations, a child who appears fine is not evidence that no support is needed. Children are extremely good at appearing fine.
The Signals Parents Most Often Miss
The good one. The compliant, helpful, self-sufficient child in a household under strain is frequently the one carrying the most.
Anger as the presenting problem. Aggression gets treated as a discipline issue. It is very often fear, grief or shame with nowhere else to go.
Slow drift. A change that took nine months is invisible day to day. It is worth asking yourself what your child was like a year ago.
School behaviour that is fine. Many children hold it together all day and release it at home, where it is safe. That is a sign of trust, not of a home problem.
What Counselling Will Not Do
It will not make a child compliant. It will not fix a household under sustained pressure by working on the child alone. It will not work well if it is delivered as adult talking therapy to a six-year-old — which is why our work with younger children is delivered through play interventions.
And it will not be instant. If a service promises speed with confidence before meeting your child, be sceptical.
If you or a child is in immediate danger, call 000. For 24/7 support contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, or Safe Steps on 1800 015 188. Our counselling service is not a crisis or after-hours service.
What Happens If You Call Us
The first conversation is with you, not your child. We ask what has been happening, what has changed, what you have already tried and what you are hoping will be different. Then we say honestly whether we think therapy is the right next step, whether something practical should come first, or whether another service is a better fit. Sometimes the answer is that things are hard but on track, and that is a legitimate answer too.
We provide child and family counselling across the Goulburn Region and Melbourne North. No referral or diagnosis is required.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is my child too young for counselling?
From around three years of age, therapeutic work is possible using play-based approaches. Below that, work with the parent is usually more effective.
Will counselling make my child dwell on things?
Good practice does the opposite. Trauma-informed therapy does not require a child to retell events, and forcing disclosure can do harm. The work is paced by the child.
What if my child says they do not want to go?
Common, and worth exploring rather than overriding. Reluctance often reflects timing, fit or something at home, all of which are useful information.
Should I tell the school?
Usually yes, with your child’s knowledge where they are old enough. Schools that understand what is going on generally respond better, and with your consent we can work alongside wellbeing staff.
Still not sure where you stand? Send us your plan or give us a call — we will tell you what is covered, and what is not.
Ask us a question